31 Day Writing Challenge Day 29: “The last emotion you felt before writing this”
There’s a vendor at my job who sells flowers every Thursday evening in the lobby. I usually smile at him and wish him a good night before continuing on my way to freedom. Today, I noticed there was a guy picking up flowers. I didn’t think anyone actually bought them.
I conjured up a narrative about the flower purchaser, telling myself that he brings his wife flowers every Thursday night. She doesn’t know about the flower guy in the lobby and he never needs to tell her. All she knows is that he comes home on Thursdays with a fresh bouquet. This story could and very well may be total bullshit. But, I like to make things up.
It is said that human beings experience about 27 different emotions within an hour, so it is hard to pinpoint the very last emotion I felt before writing this. However, the last prominent emotion I felt before sitting down to write tonight was hopeful. I credit flower purchaser and my potentially fictitious story with that hope.
I devote a sizeable amount of my blog real estate to documenting my missteps in love, lust and like. I have learned that a broken heart, bitter memories and unfinished business all make for colorful content on a page. The things I have scribed that I’ve most enjoyed re-reading are those written therapy sessions. It is as though the English language provided us with many more words and metaphors to describe hurt than it did to describe happiness.
But, because my posts are skewed in that direction of jaded woman, it is easy to hide that I still very much believe in romance and love. We are bombarded with tales of infidelity and broken relationships so much that it is natural to forget that good things and good people still exist.
Yesterday I read a list on Huff Post Women entitled, “25 Things I Want Myself To Know At 25.” I’m a bit of a list fiend and this one was laced with gems. One of my favorite items was:
6. Be grateful for that moment when you decided to stop being such a sarcastic asshole and let your guard down long enough to fall in love and let someone fall in love with you…
I am certainly that sarcastic asshole. I possess a host of characteristics, but vulnerability is one that I had to gradually attain. I realized being that girl who “never cries” or is “strictly business” was a false and stifling way to move through life. Yes, the sarcastic asshole makes all the jokes and drops some witty lines, but no one can ever break through the concrete of that person. Now, I am far from being an emotional brick wall. I talk a good game, but when I fall, I fall hard. I love hard. I give everything. And, I still believe that one day, there will be someone authentic and worthy on the receiving end of that hard love.
Xoxo,
Tyece