Demetria Lucas Redefines Dating

I just finished reading which has left me with a newfound perspective on single life (not to mention an obsession with Demetria Lucas).

I usually don’t trust relationship books written by women because they’re filled with bitter psychobabble. But, Demetria (bka “Belle”) spins the typical self-help book. In fact, it’s not so much a self-help book as much as it is a collection of anecdotes— the good, the bad, and the ugly of her past relationships and flings.

If there’s anything I’ve learned from Demetria’s tales of love, love lost, and lust, it’s that the journey to finding happily ever after is not a straight line. It is OK to weave through, make mistakes, and let people in to our lives knowing nothing may come of it. Ultimately, that is what dating truly is. It’s not waiting and waiting until perfection arrives. Instead, it’s keeping a sense of standards and a sense of self while remaining open to having fun along the way.

Sometimes Mr. Right Now can teach us just as much, if not more, than Mr. Right.

Love freely,


Shoe Shopping

Men and shoes. I always knew they weren’t that different.

Today I had one of those “bloggable” moments that prompted me to write this topic on a post-it and stuff it in my purse for further elaboration.

I got to talking to one of my friends about one of my favorite things—men. We reached the following conclusion.

Some men are flip-flops and some men are stilettos.

Flip-flops are comfortable. You throw them on and can wear them anywear. You never go crazy for a pair of flip-flops in the store. You never really covet a pair of flip-flops. If you’re like me, you keep the same comfortable pair for years.

Other men are stilettos. In fact, to be more specific, some men are like those Louboutins right at the top of this post. (If I ever had a pair of Louboutins, they would look just like that. Oh, goodness.) You can’t just go and buy a pair of Louboutins (unless you’re rich…which I am not.) You have to wait it out. The key to that stunning pair of shoes is you’ve wanted them forever, but the minute you put them on, they feel like flip flops.

It’s easy to settle for a flip-flops guy. Someone who is comfortable, easy, and safe. It’s easy to squeeze yourself in to a pair of stilettos that don’t quite fit but everyone else thinks are amazing. It is the hardest thing in the world to wait for that pair of stilettos that you’ve always wanted but that also feel awesome when you put them on.

I still haven’t bought my Louboutins.

Love freely,



I believe every relationship, fling, or complicated situation teaches us something. We walk away knowing that if we could do it over, we would abide by certain rules and codes of conduct.

Not too long ago, I added one of these little rules to my playbook.

“When talking to, dating, or entering any sort of non-platonic relationship with someone, do not follow them on Twitter.”

I know. At a first glance, it sounds silly. It’s Twitter for god’s sake. No one ever moved mountains by something they said in 160 characters or less.

Or, have they?

Most dating situations start off simple and light. At that point, seeing someone’s tweets don’t perturb you. You find them entertaining at best and meaningless at worst. But, every dating situation, if it exists long enough, shifts in to something where one or more parties have feelings. Then, you would be surprised how you can feel about 160 characters or less.

I, too, can vouch for the fact that most of what I tweet is unimportant nonsense. But, that doesn’t mean I necessarily would want someone whom I’m trying to get to know to see that unimportant nonsense. And, vice versa.

So, I’ve implemented my rule and so far, so good. When it comes to the world of Twitter, ignorance is bliss.

Love freely,


Phase Zero

Once upon a time, far away in the land of Oz…

That has nothing to do with this. I just didn’t know how to start this post.

There is a time in dating that most of us forget about. Everyone always skips ahead to the happily ever after, the cupcakes and rainbows, the things that make normal people, like me, kind of freak out. But, I am here today to honor a time long before the inundation of “I love yous” and “I can’t live without yous.” I am here today to pay homage to what I call Phase Zero.

 Before things get serious or even before you’ve seen each other’s fun parts, there is that time when you kind of sort of know you like a person but are still very uninvested. This is Phase Zero. Not many people pay attention to this phase. Or, if you’re like me, you remember this phase in the heat of an argument or in a moment of vulnerability, wishing you could take it back to the time when you answered his calls or responded to his text at leisure instead of being a slave to your Blackberry. Or, well, maybe that’s just me.

Today we pay tribute to Phase Zero. The same way you roll around like a pig in mud when you’re in love, you should follow suite when your phone rings, you look at it, and you think “I’ll call him later” and then continue on with your meaningless task. That’s one of the absolute best times, and it usually goes by a lot faster than it should. So revel in it. Enjoy it. Don’t rush. Zero was always the hero.

Love freely,