Confessions of a Californian

So, something has come to my attention. Often times, east coast people (myself included) will rave about how one day they’ll end up in Cali. After a few intoxicated nights in Los Angeles for my birthday last year, I endlessly talked about how one day, I’d settle over in the west coast…that is, until I realized 3,000 miles is far too far from my family. In the end, some people think moving to some brand new place solves all of their problems. But, the truth is, moving can and will create problems you never expected. I thought I had my shit together before I left but no amount of inspirational books or quotes or pep talks (all things I swore by before I left) could have prepared me for the past 2 roller coaster months.

But, instead of blabbing, I enlisted the help of a friend who did take that plunge…all the way to Cali. Here are her thoughts. (Note: I second everything she said. Note: I really second everything I bolded.)

hm, let’s see. WELL i do agree with you that people don’t realize how difficult it is to move so far away. especially for me, like i was born and raised in MD, didn’t leave the state for college so MD has been my home and my bubble and my comfort zone. besides studying abroad, this is the first time i’ve ever moved and lived on my own. and this type of moving and starting a new life is different from studying abroad or going out of state for college. because you are literally on your own. no school, no dorm, no extracurriculars, no advisors telling you how to manage your life, nada. it didn’t really hit me until after my mom left. i was like okay now what. i’m lucky that i at least have some relatives out here. but it’s not the same as having my group of friends, my favorite hang out spots, familiar places and faces, etc. of course, this is life. people move and things change. and i do think change is necessary for growth and personal development. like you get a real sense of who you are when you’re on your own, trying to be independent. only the strong survive! 

i’ve met people but it’s not the same as a bff who you can call/text every day or someone you can see on a regular basis. the funny thing is that i always thought of myself as kind of anti-social. like i don’t really like living with roommates and i like hanging out with people but not every day and really only on my own terms lol. but i’ve realized i think it’s because i was always surrounded by people so i could always pick and choose when i’d want to see them. and now i don’t have that. i’m sure you’ve felt that feeling before when you just realize you are utterly alone. and then it’s like what the FUCK am i doing here?! lol. i think it’s especially difficult for us because we just graduated from college and we’ve been sheltered for most of our lives and surrounded by people who love us. like, i think obviously in a couple years if i move to a different state/country then it would be an easier transition. but now it kind of feels like i’ve just been thrown into the middle of a busy street and i have to keep going and going and try to build up a life for myself here. and like i literally had NOTHING here. i had to find an apartment, then a car, then furniture (still need a couch..), then set up bank accounts, etc etc. movies make it seem soooo easy.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t regret moving here at all. i think it was a good step for me and what better way to learn how to grow up and be adult than actually doing it? no offense to people still at home, but i feel like if you don’t ever try to step outside of your comfort zone then you can’t really grow and become independent. a lot of people i know are too scared to move because it’s change and it’s different. but at some point you gotta take the plunge. (but at the same time you want to make sure it’s the right decision and that you’re not just going into in blindly).

so yeah, moving so far away definitely has its cons but at the same time, life is what you make of it (so cliche) but it’s true. i’m just trying to stay positive because i’ve only been out here for a month ish and anything could happen. i have made some friends and i’m starting to open up more to my coworkers. i’m even participating in my work’s fantasy football league (LOL WHAT IS FOOTBALL) since i thought it would be a good way to socialize with them outside of the work environment. i’m really proud of both of us for moving so far away! people think it’s easy peasy but it’s not at all. and i’m so glad that you understand how i feel. also everyone is like omg you’re in cali, sooo jealous. and i’m like yeahhh it’s greattttt lol but it’s like not all fun and games 24/7. especially since i’m here to work and make money and make a future for myself. it’s just seriously sooo much different from college. and you really don’t know what you have til it’s gone, like you said. i wish i had more time to hang out with my friends and family before i moved here. but i guess you can never be 100% ready to start a new chapter in your life.

forever young,

tY (and the Californian)

All I Can Give (Yes, it’s a Backstreet Boys song, too.)

For those who’ve had the pleasure of getting acquainted with me, you know I am a bit of a fool. I dance around. Pretty much anything I say is an exclamation or super sarcastic comment. I laugh loudly enough to make people turn around and feel a bit uncomfortable. I’m not exactly…um…normal.

And, before I moved to Boston, I only felt comfortable showing that goofy and uninhibited side of myself to people either 1) looong after I met them (like weeks or months) or 2) If I were with someone else who knew that ridiculous side of me and could vouch for it (ie my closest friends.) But, then, I took a job offer 8 hours away and learned a little something.

When you’re thrown into a city with only one friend from undergrad who lives an hour away, you learn how to shed your layers and be yourself very quickly. Tonight, I was out with 3 other cofriends (coworker friends…I think there’s a diff b/t coworkers and coworkers who you actually consider cool people) and I’ve only known these people casually for less than a month. Even so, I felt comfortable being my usual loser self and repeatedly saying “I respect that” when someone did well in our little game of bowling. I didn’t think much of it till I was driving home and I realized back in college (those long 2 months ago), I wouldn’t have been so willing to be completely myself that early on. At least I can go to sleep knowing that if those people walked away thinking I’m a complete wackadoo (which is an accurate statement), at least they got the real wackadoo and not a fake one.

When you know that the only people who can truly vouch for you are 8+ hours away, it’s time to shrug your shoulders and let your freak flag fly.

forever young,


Financial Ruins

Me: Yeah, I’m gonna wait till I get paid to buy the concert tickets.
Mom: Why don’t you use your credit card? You have $120 dollars on your credit card, right?
Me: Mom, my finances are in a bind right now.

Yes, mother. My credit card bill is through the roof, the ceiling, and the gates that open to heaven.

You wonder why my life is in a bit of a financial bind? Allow me to highlight some things.

Rent. I’m not sure how I wound up in one of the most expensive states real estate wise. But I think life played some sick joke on me by making me pay near NYC rent without actually being in that amazing city. A little more than a grand a month gets me 500 SF in a studio. Yes, this is a joke…except, not really.

Bills. Shouldn’t electricity be a requirement if I opt not to be a Quaker? And, I can’t live without New Jersey natives doing idiotic things on television so cable is pretty much a requirement. My cell phone? Never parting with that so next topic, please.

Student loans. Admittedly, I’m still in that grace period but it became not so graceful when my dad pushed the monthly interest payment over to me. Sallie Mae, you are one heinous witch.

Gas. Given my aversion to public transportation/my decision to live in the suburbs when EVERYTHING social I do here in Boston is in the city, I drive a lot. And, somehow, I always end up on E when near work and the gas costs the same amount as my life worth.

My damn pet. I love her to death, don’t get me wrong, but the next time that moving fur ball gets pink eye, I’m going to cast a Harry Potter spell on her and hope it goes away. Cause 90+ dollars for an animal to be seen at the vet and get cured is really unnecessary.

Groceries. I’m determined to stop “grocery shopping” at Target because I, without fail, spend 100+ dollars every time I go because I’ll pass electric wine openers and decide I need one in my adult life.

Me. Yes, this is the last, and arguably most important, expense. My hair. The occassional pedicure. Clothing…too much clothing. Going out. I’d like to think I’m low maintenance but let’s face it…I’m the girl who wouldn’t pay a speeding ticket but would get my hair done at 7am if I had to. Shameful? Probably. Going away anytime soon? Ha, you wish.

forever young,

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Sleep. It’s the first thing to go after undergrad. Not your wild streak or your willingness to eat a bag of Cheetohs for dinner (two things I haven’t quite lost yet). No, it’s sleep. Gone.

This afternoon, my coworker and I reminsced about how late we woke up during college. Any of my lovely former roommates can attest to the fact that I was the reigning champ of sleep. Weekdays until 11am. Weekends on and off until 4pm. On the couch during a commercial. Ahh. I’m getting tired just thinking about it.

Now, during one week out of each month, I work the media clips. Don’t get me wrong; I like news. I like feeling as though I’m an informed citizen and not some young slump walking around sucking up air that smarter people could use. But, working the media clips also means I have the pleasure of waking up at 5:30am to get in to work at 6:30am. I’ve decided this is a time that no human being should be awake, alert, or alive.

And, then, there’s 3pm. And, if there’s a time in the day worse than 5:30am, it’s 3pm. All of a sudden, it’s me against my shutting eyelids and I get my behind whipped during that battle. I’m pretty sure America should take after Spain and get on that siesta thing super quick. 

In the end, sleep isn’t just some beautiful act. It’s a value. And, I think as you get older, it’s valued a little less next to things such as exploring a new city on the weekend or catching up with friends.

But, it’s still OK to sleep all day on a Sunday. Especially if there’s no homework to wake up for. Now that’s what I call a win.

forever young,