I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships. I know. That sentence is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque of me. But, in the wake of another Tyece Failed Non-Relationship, I’ve had spacious real estate in my cerebrum to dedicate to the conundrum that is human connection.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about people. I’ve been thinking about why some people connect and others do not; why some people connect temporarily and others do forever; why people change.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about time. I’ve been thinking about whether or not I am living in the moment or putting too much weight on my past or too much emphasis on my future.
As you can see, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
And, the only real conclusion I’ve reached thus far is that you can’t live your life in hypotheticals.
Yesterday, I was trolling my life bible better known as Thought Catalog when I found a post entitled “When You Are Always Waiting.” I pinged my co-worker. “Yo, this is my life.”
There is what is now, and there is what will be. And between the two is a sort of pleasant blur.
People tell you all the time that you are impatient. And you know you are. You know that you are filled with nothing but desire, and are often incapable of understanding the great privilege that is being you in this very moment.
Yo. This. Is. My. Life.
I’m about 200 words in and I’ve only given you a pure stream of consciousness so if you’re still reading, I will try to make a point. I think it’s very easy to get caught up in what Thought Catalog deemed “what will be.” Or, better yet, what could be. So easy, in fact, that we suddenly begin living in the subjunctive instead of the present. It feels like we are in a never-ending whirlwind of waiting. Waiting for the dream job to drop in our laps. Waiting to move to the city we’ve always been obsessed with. Waiting for the guy we’ve loved for weeks or months or years to finally decide he’s ready. If those things happen, we will be happy. We will be real. We will somehow suddenly be whole and the dress rehearsal we’re currently living in will become a live production.
If you are busy living your life in the maybes and the what ifs and the possibilys and potentiallys, the right now is happening and you’re completely missing it.