It has come to my attention that people like lists. So, tonight I decided to abandon my usual sassy monologue in favor of a list that has been brewing my entire life. I firmly believe in only writing that which I know or have experienced. All of these reasons are excuses I have used (and may still be using) to justify POS relationships/FWB situations/non-relationships/and whatever else you would like to call them. Here it goes. (In no particular order) Enjoy. 

1. Convenience

You share the rent. You split the bills. You bought a Boston Terrier. It only seems natural to stay together forever, right? And, then you realize, dammit, this isn’t working. Unfortunately, when money takes the driver seat, it’s hard to veer off course from a relationship. Sometimes, it’s not even money. Sometimes it is pure convenience. You’ve embedded someone into every aspect of your life and the thought of phasing them out makes your stomach do 1,000 jumping jacks. When my ex and I decided to call it quits, I remember staring at my phone and pondering how I would have to tell my friends, my sisters, my parents, that it was dunzo. Not exactly how I planned to spend the next few days of my life. But, we have to be brave enough to make inconvenient choices. Sometimes we have to make the decisions that initially send an unpleasant voltage shock through our systems if we ever want to taste the good things life has to offer. 

2. History

Every Monday at 8pm, I subscribe to the madness that is Love and Hip Hop. Cue Joe Budden and ex/current/who-knows-what-she-is girlfriend Tahiry Jose. Tahiry seems to adhere to the “ride or die” theory which makes for great TV but not necessarily the best relationship. Time is an investment that is nearly impossible to walk away from. But, whoever invented the term “loyal to a fault” didn’t do it just for fun. 

3. Good Sex

A good man is hard to find. A good orgasm is ever harder to find. Yeah, I said it. All that oxytocin running through your brain can cloud your judgment worse than five tequila shots. You’re human. We get it. We’ve all been there. But rousing rumps in bed don’t dismiss the manure on the sideline of your relationship. 

4. Everyone Loves Them

They passed the test on paper. Your friends are fans. Your mom loves him. How could you ever walk away from someone who seems perfect from everyone else’s vantage point?  Well, take one step. Then, take another.

 5. Everyone Hates Them

Bonnie and Clyde style, you’re out to prove that you are down for your man no matter what the haters say. But, relationships shouldn’t require you to hold up a picket sign defending your love. 

6. Conviction You Can Change Them/They Will Come To Their Senses

Unless your name is God, nope. Next. 

7. Fear

So, I said this list was in no particular order, but I lied. This is the big one. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown. Maybe it’s fear of being single. Maybe it’s fear that you’ll never find someone as spectacular as the person you have now. Yes, yes and yes–I have felt, and maybe still do feel, all of those things. We integrate someone into our existence and all of a sudden we forget how we managed to survive the many years without them. But, one of my favorite quotes is “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” It is often the times that we leap and lean into our fear that prove to be the most rewarding. Bathing in complacency only decays us. 

Now, if I could only believe in my own list… 

Xoxo,

Tyece