31 Day Writing Challenge Day 5: “That awkward moment when you outgrow your childhood best friend…”

Last November, I had a brief stint where I moved into an apartment laced with vermin. I had just returned to the East Coast after living in Texas for eight months and I signed the lease to this place both blindly and rapidly. It was a bit of a nightmare to say the least. Absolutely no disrespect to vermin; they’re just not for me. (I later got out of the lease and moved into my current spot.) That same weekend, my best friend hosted her 23rd birthday party at a winery. I went to the festivities and put on my best happy face before returning to her place after and melting into a sea of tears. I wasn’t just crying about some bugs; I was readjusting to my life back East, a life that looked and felt totally different than what I had envisioned during my homesick days in Texas.

She was there for me because she always is. I don’t think I’ve outgrown my childhood best friend; I think we both just grew.

My best friend and I are going on 14 years of friendship, which feels important and also a bit surreal. I’ve written about our friendship before,  where I said “Truly amazing friendships are endless rubber bands that stretch along with the people in them.” I can only say that about a handful of friendships in my life, but those are the gems I keep pretty close.

Many friendships can survive grade school, high school, or even college. It’s very easy, almost perfunctory, to be friends with people who are going through the exact same things you’re facing. But, post-grad years test friendships in ways that you don’t expect. Everyone’s lives are a strange medley of milestones and mayhem. Everyone begins navigating their existence at a different pace and down different paths. You are forced to learn how to maintain friendships across various time zones. You gain an affinity for using personal email because at least you can get a couple of coherent thoughts down, unlike text messages. You find yourself saying “Yes, let’s catch up!” and it seems flaky that you said that a month ago and still haven’t set up time. If you’re me, you send out Evites to BBQs or open mic nights at least three weeks in advance, sometimes more, because you know people’s weekends fill up immediately. And, if you’re even more like me, you seldom accept invites to Sunday brunch because that is your day for sleeping and reading, so you’re pretty much only free Friday and Saturday. Special exceptions may apply.

My best friend and I have a sisterhood that has survived a lot of shit. That’s pretty much

the short version of it. The longer version is that over the course of 14 years, we’ve learned that we aren’t the exact same person. It used to be, without fail, Kerin and Ty, Kerin and Ty, Kerin and Ty. Somehow, we each grew up into two individual women with varied interests, passions, outlooks and goals. But, we still have our common ground, a ground that will allow us to sit on the phone talking about absolutely nothing or come to each other when we’ve completely unraveled and are in need of an ear to vent. I admire her, not because we are the exact same person anymore, but because she is everything I’m not. It’s the kind of balance that has allowed our friendship to evolve.

You don’t outgrow everyone. When you outgrow too many relationships, it’s a sign that you’ve abandoned the very life that got you to where you are. Yes, some people you outgrow. But, some times, you just evolve.

Xoxo,

Tyece