I stay up on current events via CNN. I frequent Forbes Woman for career advice. And, I also Facebook stalk.

Yes, I am somewhat ashamed to say that I am not above getting lost in the never-ending rabbit hole that is social media every now and again.  According to my Gchat history, I asked my best friend on July 9 if it was “petty” to delete a former fling from Facebook. Her response: “No, do what you gotta do.” And, delete I did.

Yesterday, I found myself caught in the same digital trap when another former fling popped up on my news feed, tagged in his new girlfriend’s post about a meal she cooked for him. The temptation to click, click and click some more dangled in front of me, so I ate the social media apple to its core. After about five minutes, the only thing I could discern about this new relationship was that the new girlfriend liked to tag my former fling in every post she created. Thanks to Facebook, you can now piss all over the place and mark your territory via mentions. We owe you, Zuckerberg.

I didn’t feel any better after I gave into social media temptation. I felt a bit ridiculous. Erratic. Even a little gross.  Like I needed to shower in something intelligent to wash off all of the selfies and “my boos” I had just witnessed.

Social media makes it too easy to remain informed about the miniature and inconsequential details of your peers, friends, former flings and enemies’ lives. It is more than pathetic that I know the general trajectory of people’s lives and I haven’t even spoken to them in years. “Oh, did you see she got engaged?” or “Oh, yeah, she moved in with her boyfriend.” There is absolutely no rhyme or reason why I know this shit about people I haven’t even glanced at or thought about since I graduated high school.

And, it only gets worse with former significant others/flings/people you liked/whatever the hell we can call them. Fortunately, I did not connect with the last guy I dated on any forms of social media, aside from the fact that he read my blog (which, in retrospect, may be far worse than being privy to my social media presence. Shrug.) But, when things fizzled, we did not have to endure the obligatory defriending and unfollowing that defines most modern-day breakups.

You learn that the world is small, but it is now pint-sized thanks to social media. Even when you eradicate all forms of a person on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr and whatever other distractors to which you subscribe, you are still susceptible to them popping up. They may appear in a retweet or they may be the smartass who pops up and decides to “like” some innocuous detail you dropped in an update. You realize that you may have deleted them from everything, but your friends and associates probably did not. Social media will make your past a roach, a pest that must be entirely decapitated before it stands any chance of dying.

Xoxo,

Tyece