I was never an arts and crafts kind of kid growing up. I couldn’t color inside the lines or cut neatly on the edges of them. Now, I’ve gotten better at cutting. Unfortunately, that still doesn’t mean I can cut straight lines (woe is me.) Instead, those lines are traced around my life and I am learning how to cut some people out of it.

I know, I know. It sounds far more harsh and hardass than it should. But, the older I get, the more I find that people, myself included, waste time mulling over situations and tip toeing around bridges they don’t want to burn. If you’re anything less than a sociopath, you want your friendships and relationships to work out. You want to see the good in people. It doesn’t take a Forbes article to let you know that you want the return on your investment. However, it doesn’t always work that way.

Vicki Gunvalson, real housewife of Orange County, and the original gangster I might add, popularized the term “toxicity.” All she’s been talking about all season is getting all of the toxicity out of her life. After confirming with dictionary.com that this is a real word (sorry, Vicki, the housewives have been known to make shit up), I thought about it and had to agree with her. Too often, we let poison, in the form of stale, broken or defective relationships, invade our lives. And, while we contemplate the right thing to say or the 1000th text message to send to patch things up, all that poison does is fester. And, doesn’t fester just sound like a gross word? Gives me the heebie jeebies.

Some things are worth fixing and some people are worth fixing them for. The longer the history with a person or a job or whatever else is poison in your life, the harder it is to toss it. Didn’t take a bachelor’s degree for me to tell you that one. But, growing up often times means letting go. Growing up means looking out for yourself and more importantly, your happiness. No one else is responsible for that.

I call my closest friends and family members my tribe, a term coined by Kelly Cutrone in one of my favorite books,  It only takes about two hands and maybe a few toes for me to count who is in my tribe and it takes years for me to truly add people to it. When it comes to my tribe, there is no cutting allowed. These are the people I will stay on the phone for two hours with, hashing out issues if need be. I’ll hold on to the edge of the bridge for dear life before I burn it, sweaty palms and all. Only for my tribe though.

I don’t know if everyone treats their lives this way and I’m not sure everyone should. Maybe we shouldn’t consider everyone so dispensable and so many of life’s little issues disposable. But, maybe the problem is that we consider everything and everyone a bit too much in the first place.

It’s your life. Grow a pair and grab some scissors. You’ll need both some day.

Love freely,

tY